cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
