i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
