That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
