sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
