I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
