I can tuck mytits in my pants
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
