I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
