She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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