I heard we made out
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
