im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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