TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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