took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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