i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just gift wrapped bread.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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