Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
