butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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