My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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