i don't like sucking hair
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
