After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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