wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
