Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
