its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I did not marry a roomba.
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