ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
