Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
