My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
