i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
