Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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