Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
