I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You pole danced in your parka.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
