I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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