I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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