This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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