i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
