it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
