piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
