I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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