I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
