Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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