It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
