see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
