This house was built for laser tag.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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