i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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