Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
