Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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