Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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