remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
