I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
