Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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