I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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