I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
