guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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