What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
