How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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