i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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