I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
