i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
