You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
